Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
