Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
