idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Randomize
