jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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