The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
