Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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