honey bunches of taint.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
