another moral hangover. fuck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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