Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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