Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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