My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
