Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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