I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
