Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
