i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
