R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
