If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
