I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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