I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
