no, he came in my armpit
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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