I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
