I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
