i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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