omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
