I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Found your dick twin last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
