a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
