I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
