On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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