pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
