Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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