If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
