I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
