Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
