I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
