Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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