my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
