Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize