So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
