tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
