don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
