John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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