So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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