I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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