No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
