I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
