Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize