Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
