When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
