Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
