If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
