Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
