I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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