i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
