Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
