I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
