Umm I'm too high to move.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
