my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
