So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
