Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
