Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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