What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
