I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I could fuck to npr.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
