just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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