I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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