We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
