my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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