Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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