Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
