dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
