So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
