you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
