So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
