And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize