Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize