There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
