I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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