For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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