thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
