they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
