here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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